What I Did For Love
by MandyBooks
Summary: Rachel now faces the reactions of what she did to Sunshine and the rest of the Glee Club.  Season Two Spoiler.


_**WHAT I DID FOR LOVE.**_

_**Rachel-centric. Spoilers for Season 2.**_

_**Song: What I did for love – A Chorus Line**_

_**I DO NOT OWN GLEE OR ANY OF ITS CHARACTERS. Glee belongs to Fox and Ryan Murphy.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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The instant the door behind her clicked shut, she allowed the tears that were piling up her eyes to finally run down her cheeks. The want to turn around and look back to the room was immense, but she hold it back and made sure her legs would work again, walking forward.

_Kiss today goodbye, the sweetness and the sorrow._

It was like she was slowly walking to an alternative universe, where she no longer was allowed to participate in the one thing that made high school bearable, that made it special. That made _her_ special.

Even though she didn't turn around, she could already hear laughter emanating from the room; the cool strums of an acoustic guitar and the eager hits of the drum sticks waiting for its cue to step into song. Then, the _voice_.

Vibrating through the halls, she felt her skin pulse in reaction to such beautiful voice, but she couldn't believe her own body was betraying her like that, almost guiding her way back to the room, so she could get just a little more of such unique sound.

A few other tears escaped and took the same path the ones before them did, easily flowing through the already wet cheeks and lightly grazing her lips before falling down on the cold stone floor on the hall in low clicks, almost an addition to the song reverberating through the hallways.

Before she could realize the drops were clicking in harmony to the choir singing back up, she was already standing beside the door, vision clouded by tears, but clear enough to see they were singing beautifully, another female lead stepping forward to the center of the room, opening her arms as if embracing the song in all its glory.

_Wish me luck, the same to you._

She felt her own mouth start to softly hum to the song, but she couldn't sing the lead anymore. She couldn't even sing back up anymore. Looking one more time, she started to notice the flaws in each one's expression.

The foolish tall boy sitting by the drums didn't look very comfortable where he was, but sang with emotion nevertheless. The fashionista and her best friend seemed too lost in the male addition of the choir to care, but still sang eagerly, almost as to get the attention of the blond boy that sang unaware of the real tension. The young boy in wheels, sat on the side of the room, sang quietly with a pained look on his face, glancing shyly to the couple of Asians that sang holding hands looking at each other with adoration, but concern.

The blond girl's eyes shifted between the sight of the tall boy, as if it symbolized her past status, and her own hands, where her future lies, singing with such pain in her voice it was almost possible to touch it. The boy with tanned skin sat beside her, but she barely acknowledged his presence, as he stared straight to her face, obviously singing to her.

The blond cheerleader, who's head lay on the Latina's shoulder, sang sweetly, almost as if it was a lullaby, her fingers playing with the hem of her cheerleading red skirt. It was the Latina's expression that surprised Rachel. Santana was looking directly at her, piercing brown orbs challenging the teary eyes of the brunette diva. She sang, arching one of her eyebrows, daring Rachel to come back and claim her spot as female lead, where she belonged.

_But I can't regret what I did for love._

Not anymore. Her proud once more took the best of her and her superior personality dared her to take the most difficult path, where she would not have the support of her team mates, because she, once again, thought her future shinning career as a Broadway star was more important. It was, after all, her dream. Her one true love since she could remember.

Swallowing her tears, its salty taste lasting bitter on her tongue, she wiped her wet face, losing contact to Santana's fierce stare. It was easier that way. She could still feel it, the Latina's brown eyes tearing her apart, too stubborn to look away, too angry to do anything else.

It took a lot for Rachel to turn around, but she eventually did, almost by the time the song was ending. It was more than time for her to leave. Her legs felt like weighing tons each, but she managed to walk in fast steps to the parking lot, getting into the driver's seat in a rush, locking all the doors in one swift motion.

_Look, my eyes are dry. The gift was ours to borrow._

She didn't allow herself to cry when she turned on the ignition. Or when she put the car into drive and got out of the campus. Or when she stopped at the red light, or when it turned green and she didn't move a inch, or for the next five minutes that she stayed on the same spot, not caring about the honks of the cars behind her and the screams of angry people by her.

_It's as if we always knew._

She didn't tear up when she drove into the street of her house, or when she drove past it, looking at the two-store white house on the rearview.

_And I won't forget what I did for love_

She barely noticed when the car drove into the outskirts of Lima, quickly leaving the medium sized houses behind and now facing not so green plains and trees with brown-colored leafs.

She felt as if her whole self betrayed her. First her brain created all those schemes and lies to Sunshine, and then her mouth didn't filter any of it, smiling at the end of her speech to said girl, sending her to a trip to Lima's slums. Then she wasn't even able to deny when Mr. Shuester confronted her. Her chin betrayed her, sizing up to her teacher's authority. Her shoulders betrayed her by not giving up to a fight that should have never started. Her lungs betrayed her by providing her of air to scream and let out arguments that stopped making sense. Her arms betrayed her when she lifted her arm to use violence for the first time in her life, stopping mid hair. Her knees betrayed her the moment Mr. Shuester said it was enough and that she was out of the club from now on. Her knees should have had weakened, and she should have had begged for forgiveness.

But her mouth betrayed her one more time, and she screamed back saying she didn't need them, when she obviously did, saying she was too talented for all of them, when she just wanted to be talented enough to share it with them. Also betrayed her when she hissed that she was more than willing to leave the club, since they had their new small-town star. At the moment, she chooses to forget she was one as well.

_Love is never gone._

Her legs were the next to betray her, when she turns and walks away in the direction of the door. She hears Finn motioning to follow her, but Mr. Shuester steps in and tells him to sit down and that Rachel has made her choice.

Her hand also betrays her the moment it grabs the doorknob and turns it, opening the door. At last, her notion of right and wrong betrays her, because suddenly, she feels as if everything she is doing right know is absolutely correct. With that certainty, she walks out. A second later, she hears the click of the door behind her.

_As we travel on, love's what we will remember._

The memory wakes her up from her reverie, and she remembers she is in the car by the time she notices the green sign fly past her.

"Carmel – 43 miles"

She knows Shelby doesn't want to be her mom, or even her mother now that she has a new baby to take care of. She just hopes she would understand some of it. She kind of hopes Vocal Adrenaline wants her, now that their female lead graduated. She has that tiny flicker of need to be wanted, that tiny bubble inside her growing. She reminds herself that that is not egocentrism, but she also doesn't know what else to call it.

_Kiss today goodbye._

It just occur her that her dads will not be happy. It hit her like a punch to the stomach that she put herself before the family that always put her before anything else. Her notion of right and wrong betrays her once again, so when she spots a return back to Lima, she doesn't take it.

_And point me toward tomorrow…_

She won't dare to check her mobile; there are probably a couple of dozen texts from the gleeks; a few others from her parents, before they decided to start calling, worried because she's not home yet. A lot of voicemails, probably. She doesn't remember the day when she got more than one voicemail and more than a couple of texts from her dads and Finn.

She drives inside Carmel, realizing her plan had a flaw. She doesn't know where Shelby lives. Hell, she doesn't even know if she still lives in Carmel, for all she knew, she could be in a bar singing karaoke _Wicked_ songs with April Rhodes in New York. So she drives to the only place she is familiar in Carmel: The high school.

Parking the car a bit far from the big line of black Range Rovers that belongs to the VA kids, she still can see the big school statue in his all marble greatness: A white shark ready to devour a seal puppy.

_We did what we had to do._

She can definitely relate to the white shark.

_Won't forget._

For a second, all of those songs run through her head, those performances, the choreographies, the laughter, the kisses, the hugs, the odds they beat.

_Can't regret._

The slushies, the name-calling, the cheating, being egged, the storm-outs, the lies…_her_ lies.

_What I did for love._

She will worry about her dads later. Now, she steps out of the car and walks head high to the gates of Carmel High School, hoping to find her way to love with Vocal Adrenaline.

Her heart is the last part of her body to betray her, because it hid the fact that all the love she could ever have is back in a small choir room in Lima, Ohio.

_End._

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